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Hannah Savage - Cultivating Home from the Inside Out
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Family Culture, Motherhood

5 Strategies for Calm and Connected Kids During the Coronavirus

*This post contains an affiliate link.

These are wild times we’re living in. No doubt your routines and lifestyle have slowed down or even turned upside down. As parents who love our kids, we want to do everything we can to help our children experience peace and calm even when the world outside our home is fearful and chaotic. It is my hope and prayer that these strategies will be of service to you, not only in crisis, but in the good days ahead.

Calm in our home starts with us as parents.

If we want to cultivate a calm atmosphere in our homes, it starts with our own hearts and minds. Please don’t dismiss the most vital piece of what will increase your child’s sense of security: your own. I’m not talking about sucking it up and posing strong for your kids. Quite the contrary. I’m talking about bringing God the storm inside of us, releasing that emotion in a healthy way and letting His Word breathe grace into our souls. Listen. If you’re dealing with anxiety, overwhelm, depression, sorrow, anger or disappointment, refuse to allow shame to keep you from receiving the love that meets us in hard places and gives us a firm place to stand when everything else feels like shifting sand.

Your family may be experiencing financial strain or loss due to COVID-19 or the measures being taken to prevent the spread. That’s real. And HARD. You may feel beside yourself with multiple kids at home, have special needs in the mix or a living situation that’s completely overwhelming. You are not alone.

Give yourself space to cry, vent and process what’s going on in your heart. Whether that’s with God in prayer, a friend over the phone or your spouse at home, or all of the above, tending to your own inner well-being will go miles in helping your kids thrive during this time. If you’d like to receive a free resource I created to pray the Word of God over your heart and family as well as receive encouragement straight to your inbox, click here to share the email address I can send it to.

Be mindful about how much news and negative discussion you allow in your home.

In times like these it’s incredibly easy to become consumed with the latest news via social media, television or our phones. But our kids are sponges. They can’t handle an overwhelming amount of information. (I would argue that adults can’t either, but that’s a different article.)

Between changes with school, routines, extracurricular activities, and vigilant hygiene, we absolutely must have open communication with our kids. But if we’re frantically checking news sources or talking openly about money concerns, our kids will feel that keenly. Our children should get the benefit of hearing necessary information through a news source – us – that’s sober yet calm, rather than panicked. But let’s be honest, even then navigating these unusual times can feel brutal to a child’s heart, which leads to a critical point.

Allow your children to vent their thoughts and emotions about what’s going on.

I know this can be hard. For many parents, handling an emotional or argumentative kid can trigger anxiety. Let’s face it. Especially in situations like this, we can feel powerless when telling a kid that the thing they’ve poured weeks, maybe even years into is now cancelled. Or that they’ll finish their last year of high school without a prom.

The first emotion that may come up is frustration or anger. Maybe he or she even says something that normally would not come out of his or her mouth. Pay attention because anger is a secondary emotion. Under those fiery words or glances is someone who is either deeply sad, disappointed, anxious or all of them at once. Let’s ask God to give us eyes to see our children’s hearts rather than judge them by their knee-jerk reactions.

God is not daunted by our feelings. By God’s grace, we can display the nature of God to our kids by empathizing with what they’re going through rather than shaming their human emotions. It’s only through genuine empathy that we can lovingly interject a compassionate perspective of the world around us and lead the way with gratitude. I’ve seen it firsthand.

Besides when we consider the bigger picture, it’s better for them to externalize their feelings now and learn how to walk through them than internalize strong emotion that may fester as unresolved baggage in the future. None of us do this perfectly and grace is really good at filling in the gaps, but this is the time to model a healthy inner life. The very tools we use to stay anchored in the storm are strategies we can teach our kids when they’re ready. But fellow moms in the trenches, what may be some of our greatest times of inconvenience and disappointment may also be some of our greatest opportunities to shepherd our kids’ hearts.

Focus on connection and relationship above all else.

I’m incredibly task-oriented so it’s easy to feel frazzled or distracted when a lot is going on. Here are a few ideas and opportunities that you can take advantage of in your day to foster connection as a family.

  • Establish news and social media browsing for a specific time of day. Keep notifications off on your phone.
  • Eat meals together even if it’s just one per day. Leave your phone somewhere else and focus on eye contact and engaging conversation, which may mean you listen to your kids tell you all about the characters in a favorite new movie.
  • Go out of your way once a day to stop everything you’re doing just to listen to something your child wants to tell you. If you can, take that one step further and look for a way to enter their world with them, even if it’s just for a few minutes. (With my kids that’s looked like anything from admiring Lego creations and joining in, listening to and helping to edit a fictional story, and helping my 4-year-old with her dress and joining in her tea time.) You know your kids. Join in for 2 minutes with undivided attention and watch their eyes light up.  
  • Do things that your family enjoys together. Our family loves books. Stories are a huge part of our bonding time. Card and board games, walks in nature, dance parties and singing sound tracks are also super fun. If you’re not sure, this may be a great time to start experimenting and find some new pastimes you can enjoy together.

Leverage both predictability and spontaneity to foster a calm and fun home atmosphere.

  • Establish a daily rhythm. When routines are disrupted, it’s easy for one day to flow into the next. Kids crave some structure. You may be imagining a color-coded schedule detailing an agenda for the day. I don’t do that fancy. What’s worked best for us is having a general flow to the day. We gather for breakfast and do what we call morning time. We pray, read the Bible, some poetry and one additional book. Afterwards, everyone gets ready for the day. I help the kids as they’re learning hygiene and household responsibilities. Then they have time to explore and learn about whatever they want. We regroup around lunch or early afternoon and then have a whole rhythm around bedtime. It can be more simple or complex depending on the unique needs of your family. But don’t be afraid to put some flexible structure in place. It can go a long way to save some sanity on long days at home.
  • Mix it up with some spontaneity and fun. Magic happens when you chase the spark. See your first robin? Maybe it’s time for a spring scavenger hunt. Surprise the kids by having watercolor and art supplies waiting for them on the breakfast table when they get up in the morning. Write and perform a play in your living room. Or better yet, give your kids some old clothes for costumes and send them off to create it all. One thing that our family has enjoyed this year is observing fun holidays like Pi Day (fun geometry, math and of course pie!) and St. Patrick’s Day (with green waffles and the real story of St. Patrick). If you’re stuck, just do something that you really enjoy and watch your own curiosity and wonder start waves your kids won’t want to stay out of.
  • Be mindful of screen time. Lastly, if you find a child seems disconnected and uninterested in anything you want to do as a family, could screen time be the culprit? Listen, this parenting gig is hard. There is no shame. If you suspect a surplus of screen time is the culprit, could you tweak screen time to be at a certain time of day, set a cap or focus on screen time that the family can relish together? If you need more support in this area, my family greatly benefited from Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time (available here on Amazon).

I am confident that as you lead the way tending to your own heart, limiting negative influences, and focusing on connection, you’re blazing trails your kids can follow. The best news is that God is so incredibly faithful to give us wisdom and strategy when we ask for it. Whether through coronavirus or ordinary days once this storm has passed, I pray that God would refresh and strengthen you as you lead your kids in peace and full of hope.

If this has helped or encouraged you, I’d be honored if you’d share this on Pinterest, Facebook or with a friend. What questions do you have? If you have other ideas you would add, please share them in the comments below.

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Family Culture, Motherhood, Resources

3 Reasons to Do a Family Dance Party Tonight

(This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you.)

#1 Our kids need to see us have fun.

I don’t know about you, but I can be a bit…task oriented. It’s not a bad thing and don’t get me wrong, I can be SUPER silly, but the reality is on any given day, I’m juggling a LOT. Life can be stressful and overwhelming at times, but truly even with great optimism and intention, I know my face doesn’t always reflect the joy I want my kids to remember me having. I used to shame myself for not exuding contagious joy with a bubbly personality, but more and more I’ve realized that seizing these opportunities on purpose is not any less authentic than a spontaneous burst of laughter.

Plus turning on some music and going to town can make the perfect exit from my own inner funk. How do I know? Because that’s how this dance party thing first started at my house. I did it for me and they joined in, not because I like to dance, but because in frantic overwhelm, I decided to do something ridiculous to get on the other side. We were laughing hysterically in minutes and I took note. I want my children to remember me “big smile happy” even if I need to throw in some extra dance parties to make it happen.

#2 Dancing provides powerful sensory input that’s incredible for our kids physical and neurological development and well-being.

We learned in preschool that we have 5 senses, but what if I told you that we have at least seven? In addition to the popular five (sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing), we also have proprioceptive and vestibular senses. We know that jumping can make legs strong and that cardio is good for our hearts, but this type of sensory input is also good for our kids’ brains. Activating those proprioceptive and vestibular senses can help our kids develop, organize, regulate and thrive neurologically. This can translate to better emotional regulation, attention and mood, which in my world helps everything. This is also why good play breaks with strong physical exertion translate to stronger mental focus afterward. I’m not an expert by any means, but as a mom of a child with sensory processing disorder, I’ve learned amazing things about the type of sensory input dancing can provide. You can nerd out on more sensory information and activity ideas here, here, here and here.

#3 Dancing is a great way to worship God.

When it comes to worshiping God, I’m not big on dancing. I’m more of a raise-my-hands-or-sit-in-complete-silence kind of girl (at least at the moment), but that doesn’t mean my children will connect with God in the same way. For some of us, we go to churches that are more traditional in nature and there is so much value to be had in that culture, but for our wiggly ones who just crave to move their bodies, a dance party to upbeat praise music may be just the thing to give them permission to connect with God in their own way. I had no idea how much my kids would love this until we did this at home. This is one of the reasons I’m loving Sacred Pathways for Kids: 9 Ways to Guide Your Child Into Relationship with Jesus.

Each one of our kids are unique and have different temperaments. No temperament is better than another, but this resource has given me simple language to see the opportunities before me every day to help my children connect with God outside the box of how I might expect. Some of my best discoveries about my kids, the way they are uniquely wired and what makes them come alive have happened on accident. Sacred Pathways for Kids has been one huge epiphany for me as I’m realizing that some of the good things our family has stumbled into, we can actually explore on purpose. That’s a win. Provide me with simple ideas so that I don’t have to come up with a bunch of stuff on my own? Double win!

If you click here you can take a free quiz to figure out your child’s spiritual temperament, what that means to their personal faith journey and how you can encourage them right where they are. Although all of us dance at our unofficial dance parties, my two daughters are enthusiasts who thrive in exuberant worship. As a mom who desires to pass down a living faith in Christ to my kids and grand-kids, I’ve found Sacred Pathways for Kids to be super insightful and practical. I know you will love it too.

8 Hacks for a Successful Dance Party

And if you’re new to family dance parties, don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. These dance party tips will make a huge difference, whether it’s your first or 50th:

  1. Don’t project expectations about how EPIC this dance party is going to be. Just do it and lead with flexibility and your version of enthusiasm.
  2. Invite your kiddos to be involved in the process. My kids often enjoy picking songs, creating impromptu instruments, using scarves as streamers and even surprising me with a fresh outfit just for the occasion. That’s always fun. Either way, the key is NO PRESSURE.
  3. Experiment with music styles. Upbeat music if often the easiest entry point, but some kids prefer slower or softer music like one might do ballet, interpretive or even couples dancing with. Your kids may not have specific song requests but will likely be able to give you feedback on the style of music, whether through their words or level of participation. Our family’s go-to worship collections with the kids are Hillsong Kids, Family Seeds Worship and Bethel Kids. If you look on YouTube, some of the songs even have movements you can follow, which can be super fun to try.
  4. What about “secular” music? True story: my daughter requested the electric cha-cha slide as the last song of our dance party today. Obviously, we aren’t going to play music that’s tearing people down or with inappropriate lyrics but having fun to generic music can be an excellent way to communicate that our dance is really all about our hearts. Doing the electric slide with appreciation that God gave us a body to move and dance and have fun is like saying, “Thank you, God, for this amazing gift!”
  5. What if no one knows what to do?! Ninja parent strategy: Try animal and nature moves! Take turns calling out fun movements like stomping elephant, swaying tree, clapping seal or friendly cat. Another idea is doing a dance where everyone holds hands in a circle alternately going clockwise, counterclockwise, in and out. Simple and so much fun!
  6. CHEESE! You might want to double-think pulling out a camera. Depending on your kids, the presence of a camera may shut them down. I’ve found it best just to be present and participate with them. Sometimes they’ll actually request to be recorded, which we’ll happily do. Other times, we can tell they’re comfortable enough that we could get a clip or two. In that case, the kids almost always want to watch themselves later. If you’re concerned about them falling into a performance trap in worship, it’s okay to complement their moves or energy but also add something like “Wow, I love your freedom to worship. Just to think that there may be other people you get around and when they see your freedom in worship, they’ll feel brave to worship God in their own way too! And just to think God’s dancing like that over you too!” (see Zephaniah 3:17)
  7. Be super flexible about how long they’re into it. They may tucker out and want to do something else after a song or two. That’s totally cool. It’s just as important to end well as it is to start well. OR you may have kids that want to dance for 30 minutes! Mama, you probably have things to do. Stay engaged as long as you can. For me, throwing in some lunges and push ups when its going long helps me to keep “you need to be productive” thoughts at bay. But alas, if duty calls, just give your kids a hug, communicate your exit, and let them know you’ll be looking forward to next time.   
  8. Smile about your dance party in hindsight. This could look like a simple comment tailored to the personality of your child. For my 10-year-old daughter, I might say, “Hey, thanks for the dance party earlier. Doing fun things with you puts a smile on my face! And I love to hear you sing!” To my 7-year-old boy, I’d say, “Man, I knew you had good moves, but geeezzz, I could barely keep up with you! I had so much fun.” And to my 3-year-old girly-girl, I’d say, “I loved dancing with you today. You looked like a princess, which you are to both God and me and Daddy!” However that looks for your family, finding a way to savor the memory in hindsight can create a momentum around trying new things as a family and plant powerful seeds in your family culture going forward.

What do you think? I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever tried a dance party? What other fun things do you enjoy doing as a family?

Also here’s your link to grab your own copy of Sacred Pathways for Kids: 9 Ways to Guide Your Child into a Relationship with Jesus. Enjoy!

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Family Culture, Homeschool, Motherhood

5 Timeless Ways to Flourish in Homeschool

It’s been a couple months back in the swing of this ever-morphing, soul-sanctifying, beautifully messy thing we call homeschool. I’m both encouraged and extremely humbled. At times I’m baffled by the push back that can so randomly rear its head in the course of a day. Other times I feel like magic is unfolding right before my eyes. Then it’s all I can do to breathe out praise and shove every morsel of that magic in my pocket for a rainy day.
I was thinking back to when I first started homeschooling. I’ve still never shared how that came about. I will one day. For now, I’ll just say I never planned on it. But once I was in, I threw myself into learning, preparing and planning. Navigating all the information and advice out there felt like treading water. Thankfully, I had one wise homeschool mama who was a gracious buoy for me. Five years later, I no longer have to ask someone how to flourish in homeschool. Experience has taught me what a book never could and I’m still growing. But these are the things I come back to over and over. They are the timeless advice that suits every season of motherhood and every stage of child development.
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Family Culture, Lifestyle, Motherhood, Resources

4 Ways to Make Tidying Up with Your Kids More Fun and Meaningful

*This post contains affiliate links. You can read my affiliate policy here.

It happened again! My son ran out of his room after cleaning it, yelling “That was FUN!” Now before you shoot me dirty looks or hit the home button, let me assure you this is NOT normal. At least it hasn’t been.

 

Normally, when it comes to cleaning up, my 6-year old has been quick to despair. He spends most of his time in the realm of imagination and his little body with sensory, auditory and self-regulation challenges doesn’t quite know what to do with being jerked into a reality he doesn’t want to or feel like he can face. I’ve tried nagging. (I wouldn’t have called it that at the time, but in hindsight, yep.) I’ve felt the tug of war between frustration and compassion even as I’ve quickly done most of his work for him when no one was looking.

 

When my husband and I started to take notice of the sneaky influence of entitlement in our family life, we found help in The Entitlement Fix, an e-course by Connected Families. As I listened to Jim and Lynne as they shared stories and modeled role plays, I had a lightbulb moment:

 

I don’t have to choose between connecting with my kids and holding them accountable. I can do both.

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Book Reviews, Family, Family Culture, Motherhood

How to Turnaround Your Kids’ Entitlement Mindset with Deeper Connection & Lasting Change

*This post contains affiliate links.

My kids deal with entitlement. There, I said it. I think just about every one of us cringe when we get around someone who’s fully convinced the world owes them something. The last thing in the world we want as parents is for our children to become those people, unable to thrive in the real world as adults. Besides, we want our children to live for God and to practice the type of stewardship that honors Him. When entitlement raises its head, we try training it out. When that doesn’t work and we’re feeling a little desperate, we try shaming it out. Simple interactions escalate. Even when they comply, we feel a sense of dissatisfaction because we have a sense that their compliance sometimes hints of resentment. We see the look in their eyes and the meager fruit before us. This is not working.

Can you relate? Here are 3 steps we’ve taken to start the entitlement turnaround in our own home.

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Book Reviews, Family Culture, Spiritual Growth

Bookworm Family Faves of the Month – 4.2018 Edition

*This post does contain affiliate links.

As you probably already know, books are kind of a big deal to me. I. love. them. And if you’re like me, you love great book recommendations. That’s why I’ve decided to start sharing our Bookworm Family Faves every month. You’ll essentially be joining my family in real time. I’m not curating these off a library database or based on someone else’s list. All the books you find here are books we either read (short books) or finished reading (longer chapter books) this month. I hope you find this bookworm snapshot a fun way to find books that may interest or bless your family. Now on to the books!

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Family Culture, For The Heart, Motherhood, Self-Care, Spiritual Growth

6 Sanity Savers for Stay at Home Moms

I’ll be honest. When I was a mom facing all the rigors of working full-time outside the home, I was a bit naïve about what it would take to keep me thriving when I finally had the chance to stay at home. You could say I’ve been schooled over the last 6 years of stay at home – and now homeschool – life. I’d love to share with you some of the sanity savers I’ve learned mostly the hard way. Hopefully they can be of value to you in your own journey. (No time to read? Watch a video version here.)

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Family Culture, Spiritual Growth

“Will You Host Me? Love, God.”

Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Luke 9:58

Jet-lagged from my trip back to Houston, I lumbered my squeaky suitcase up to the large wooden door. The adrenaline that had pulsed through my veins over the last several weeks of life-changing mission trips was now muted by the apprehension of finding a new job and a new home now that my parents were relocated back to Oklahoma. The relief of a friend’s invitation to stay with her for a couple of nights bought me time to consider my options and sort out logistics. I hoped I wasn’t imposing as I gently knocked on the door.

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Family Culture, Motherhood, Spiritual Growth

The Power of Undeserved Belonging: The Heart of Home Series

The air was thick with tension. My kids’ wet faces flushed with the evidence of the sibling squabble gone wrong. Hurt hearts burst out stinging words. I know they weren’t meant, yet they couldn’t be taken back. Their outbursts shocked me as I internally scrambled through my child-raising handbook for the winning recipe for this situation and remembered that my luck-of-the-draw canned response did not exist. I would need Holy Spirit for this.

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Family Culture

What I Wish I Knew About Family Culture 10 Years Ago

There was a time the family culture I dreamed of seemed as though it would always be a dream. I found myself as a mom increasingly idealizing what I dreamed of for my family. My husband and I spent hours talking about what was important to us. What did we want our kids to leave home with? What did we want the atmosphere of our home to be like?

I dreamed of my intentionally cultivated home when it seemed like only a fairy tale. I was drowning in diapers and laundry; yet, I felt stirred and alive when I read authors like Sally Clarkson and Edith Schaeffer. I had always appreciated truth, but now I was starting to see that truth is most alive when accompanied by goodness and beauty.

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Sacred Pathways for Kids

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