Dear Daughter,

Come and sit with Me, Dear One. It won’t take long. My heart is bursting with the words you need to hear. Motherhood is hard, but it’s a new day. You’re a great mom, but I know you don’t always feel that way. So listen: When you feel like you’re flailing in motherhood, I have you right here in the palm of my hand. Your failures, their behavior, and a million other tugs at your soul can’t pluck you out, you are Mine.

I see your furrowed brows as you try your best to hold onto My promises. At times, you feel like a rock climber dangling from a cliff. You think, “How did I get here? Maybe I’m in over my head.” Your hands are tired. Your body pulls heavy with the gravity that seems bent to see you dashed to pieces.

You try to shake off the negativity and remember the adventure you once envisioned on the holy grounds of motherhood. In your heart, you feel you were born for this, your life poured out into beautiful souls. But it’s hard to dance to the beat of that drum when your wits are frayed, they’re calling your name and the house is undone. But My Daughter, this is what I want you to know: I’ve got you. You can lay down your sword. Even the mightiest warriors need a safe place to let the tears fall. There’s no judgment here. You’re safe in My Love. I am the cup for your thirst and the bread for your famished soul. I am the Enough in your lack. Nothing in you can scare me away. So drink in My love. Have your fill of My goodness. With me is infinite kindness. With my company is renewed strength for your gloriously ordinary days. And never, never forget, when you’re washing dishes, when you’re playing taxi, when you’re having that hard conversation, I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m with you in the thick, Dear One. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.

Papa God

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It happened again! My son ran out of his room after cleaning it, yelling “That was FUN!” Now before you shoot me dirty looks or hit the home button, let me assure you this is NOT normal. At least it hasn’t been.

Normally, when it comes to cleaning up, my 6-year old has been quick to despair. He spends most of his time in the realm of imagination and his little body with sensory, auditory and self-regulation challenges doesn’t quite know what to do with being jerked into a reality he doesn’t want to or feel like he can face. I’ve tried nagging. (I wouldn’t have called it that at the time, but in hindsight, yep.) I’ve felt the tug of war between frustration and compassion even as I’ve quickly done most of his work for him when no one was looking.

When my husband and I started to take notice of the sneaky influence of entitlement in our family life, we found help in The Entitlement Fix, an e-course by Connected Families. As I listened to Jim and Lynne as they shared stories and modeled role plays, I had a lightbulb moment:

I don’t have to choose between connecting with my kids and holding them accountable. I can do both.

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My kids deal with entitlement. There, I said it. I think just about every one of us cringe when we get around someone who’s fully convinced the world owes them something. The last thing in the world we want as parents is for our children to become those people, unable to thrive in the real world as adults. Besides, we want our children to live for God and to practice the type of stewardship that honors Him. When entitlement raises its head, we try training it out. When that doesn’t work and we’re feeling a little desperate, we try shaming it out. Simple interactions escalate. Even when they comply, we feel a sense of dissatisfaction because we have a sense that their compliance sometimes hints of resentment. We see the look in their eyes and the meager fruit before us. This is not working.

Can you relate? Here are 3 steps we’ve taken to start the entitlement turnaround in our own home.

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Why I read this book: Rhythms and the idea of arranging my life for spiritual transformation resonated with everything God is teaching me right now. It’s not that those ideas or practices are new to me. Experience has taught me that every season plunges me into a place of new learning curves and even greater invitations to live intentionally. I had seen quotes from this book floating around on Instagram and just knew I had to read it.

This book in a quote from Ruth Haley Barton: “Your desire for more of God than you have right now, your longing for love, your need for deeper levels of spiritual transformation than you have experienced so far is the truest thing about you. You might think that your woundedness or your sinfulness is the truest thing about you or that your giftedness or your personality type or your job title or your identity as husband or wife, mother or father, somehow defines you. But, in reality, it is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for more of God than you have right now that is the deepest essence of who you are.”

What the book is about: This book explores the power of spiritual disciplines to open us to God’s transforming love. This is not a book about rules and legalism. This, my friend, is an invitation into more. It’s not that the book expounds every way of seeking and knowing God. Of course not. But the feast that it does lay is a rich one and one that has the great possibility of changing the internal landscape of our hearts and minds even as we tie shoes, cook meals and love our family well.

My favorite parts of the book were…This is truly hard to say. The whole book flows together in a very cohesive way, building on each idea layer by layer. I will say that I truly appreciated the section at the end of each chapter called Practice. As an avid reader of great ideas, sometimes I need to be reminded to slow down and apply what I’ve learned.

All the book darts I put in my library copy before realizing I just needed my own copy.

The hardest thing about this book is… This book is written in a spirit of grace, but the driven and performance mindset so prevalent in our culture (and within us) can cause us to filter life-giving messages into more unfinished business on our to-do list. So free yourself from that thought right now. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the filters and lies that would have this be anything but a liberating adventure into the heart of God. As a close second, I would encourage anyone reading this book to not skip anything. I know statistics say that only a small fraction of people read books all the way to the end. As a busy homeschool mom of 3 kids, the perspective and admonition shared in the last chapters was imperative to fully receiving the goodness of this book in a way that I could apply in my current season.

You may want to read this book if…you’re thinking there must be more. If you’re dry and worn out, longing to connect with God more deeply, or ready to explore life-giving rhythms in your everyday life, you will love this book.

You may not want to read this book, at least for now, if…you’re already reading a book that’s incredibly rich. I’m usually reading 3-5 books at any given time, but it was important for me to give this book “room to breathe”. It’s certainly not a hard book to read, but one that provokes contemplation. Plus, I wanted time to experience each discipline through the Practice portion at the end of each chapter. This book is best savored slowly.

Where you can find the book: You can find this book on Amazon or at your local library. My gut told me I should buy this book from the beginning, but trying to be frugal, I got it from my library. Let me tell you, I filled that book up with my favorite book darts trying to mark quotes and passages. I finally gave up and received my copy through Amazon. I am huge library fan, but I’d recommend buying this one. It’s going on my shelf for a revisit every year.

Look close on the left. Yes, GENUINE evidence of toddler sticky fingers.

More about the author: Ruth Haley Barton is the author of spiritual formation books and resources including Life Together in Christ, Invitation to Solitude and Silence, Longing for More and Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership. She is a spiritual director, retreat leader, teacher and the founding president of the Transforming Center. I am a huge fan of her podcast. You can also find Ruth on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

One prayer practice that has been so life-giving to me in the throes of motherhood is praying the Word. There is something so powerful about engaging with the Word of God in prayer. I’ve created a free resource for you to do just that. I believe it will bless your socks off. Click here to see what’s included.

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years. This picture came up on my Facebook memories this morning. Do you get those?

This was a training event I did before my first (and only) triathlon in July of 2013. You see, I had woken up 9 months prior with a crazy idea that I should do a triathlon. Both haunted and exhilarated all day by the thought, I confessed my audacious dream to my husband that night, quickly met by my husband’s support and the truth that he believed in me more than I believed in myself. You see, I was a mom of a 4-year-old and 1-year-old at the time and was living in a state of overwhelm. It didn’t seem like good timing, but one baby step at a time, I started to prepare.

I decided to start with running, because it was the “easiest” and most low-cost skill to learn. I was not a runner. I had only run 1 mile once in my life and at the time couldn’t run .25 without stopping all together. So, week after week, I worked my couch to 5K program until I ran a mile straight. I still laugh when I think of the poor elderly people walking their fluffy dog by the stop sign that marked my mile marker. I sprinted like I was straining to finish a marathon and slapped that stop sign as I screamed at the top of my lungs. Victory! I didn’t care if I looked crazy. No one could know how hard I worked for that first mile.

My dear friend (now sister-in-love) took me under her wing, teaching me how to run more efficiently. We signed up for a 5K and trained toward that date. It was the next baby step that made sense in preparation for a summer triathlon. She graciously ran my pace as we finished the Pumpkin Run on a cold, rainy October day. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I was the lady pushing through the finish just as the ugly cry came gushing from deep down inside. In the physical strain, something inside of me was changing.

My next step toward a triathlon was to learn how to swim. Although I knew how to stay afloat and get across the pool, I had no idea how to swim in a straight line and breath at the same time. As I kid, I loved swimming underwater and pretending to be a mermaid. I may or may not have seen the movie Splash (with Daryl Hannah) way to may times and told a girl at a hotel pool that I was an actual real mermaid. She looked at me in disbelief inquiring as to why I had no tail in the pool. Wasn’t it obvious? My tail would not appear until I was in salt water. Duh. (Don’t worry. Since then I did repent for lying.) For a triathlon though, mermaid swimming would definitely not cut it. There was only one thing to do.

I started showing up at the gym when the old people came. 6 am. As a stay at home, there was no other way to get it done. I remember crying on the way to the gym at 5 am, jealous of all the sleeping people represented in the dark homes I was passing. Why was I doing this? I was already a tired mom. A voice deep inside told me it was worth it.

After weight lifting and cardio, I waited by the pool door waiting for the lock to click. If I wasn’t in at 6 a.m. on the dot, I wouldn’t have a swim lane. Day after day, I choked on water as I struggled to learn a proper breathing technique. I read swimming books, watched YouTube videos and took pointers from the “experts” at the pool. After 3 weeks of raising eyebrows and concern among lifeguards and my elderly counterparts, I made it across the pool for the first time with no choking or floundering. I felt unstoppable. Improving every week, I finally swam .25 mile without stopping. Now it was time to test my skills in open water at the very park I was scheduled to complete my first triathlon that summer. That was 5 years ago today.

Triathlons draw a surprising diversity of people. I was comforted to meet so many first timers at this training event that would prepare us for the real thing. My dad came along to support me, my husband holding down the fort at home.

I scanned the horizon, searching for landmarks that would keep me on track. I had read that one of the most important things to learn in open swim practice is how to use landmarks to swim straight as there would be no underwater lane like I had grown so accustomed to at the pool. I dipped my toe in the freezing water. Butterflies stirred in my stomach. As the sun made its full debut, they blew a horn and we were off into the dark, choppy water. Within yards, all the advice I had received to practice in open water made sense. Two days before, I swam confident in a calm, clear pool. Today I was crowded by swimmers in cold, cloudy water, utterly discombobulated. The breathing technique I had mastered so well in protected waters was futile as big waves interrupted my breath, challenging my rhythm as I coughed, regrouped and kept swimming.

I heard a yell over my shoulder. A fellow swimmer was panicking and crying for help. The two ladies near her shouted and panicked with her. I found myself swimming away from the finish and back to the fear-struck triathlete. Not wanting to get pulled under myself, I stopped short of her by a yard and called out, “It’s okay…deep breaths…you’re okay…you’re not alone…lean back. Relax. You’ve got this. You’re not alone. We’re with you. You’re going to finish.”

Her breathing slowed. Focus replaced the haze over her eyes as tears emerged on her wet face. After exchanging smiles and determined glances, the four of us clawed through the white-capped water in timeless silence, emerging on the sand with something more than we had entered the water with.

5 years later, I still feel that choppy water. I know you do too. It’s that space between what we’ve learned with our heads but is still being tested in our living. It’s the stretch between our Biblical ideals and vision as moms and the blunt realities of every day as we strive to live those out.

I could point back to those days with despair. When I look in the mirror each day, I don’t recognize the go-getter me that I romanticize from my past. I struggle with basic responsibilities. The critic in my head has lots of ammunition. But grace calls out. The truth is that you and I are in a season we’ve never been in before. It’s easy to admire the hindsight view of days gone by while Jesus invites us to sit with Him in our present.

I think if we listen closely, there’s a voice in our choppy waters. “It’s okay…deep breaths…you’re not alone…lean back. I’m in the water with you and we’re going to finish together.”

I believe there’s power in naming things. Sometimes questions are the best place to start.

What are my choppy waters? Don’t shame yourself for naming something you judge to be a small thing. Is it tiredness? A child who hasn’t learned to read? A financial concern or failure that whispers in your ear? Or maybe it’s a big thing that you’re scared to name, because it’s scary to hope.

Who’s with me in the water? We know God is, but maybe He’s inviting us to know it deeper down than we’ve ever known it before. He’ll never leave us. He’s not giving up on us. His determined love can give us courage to not give up on ourselves. But who else is there? Who has God surrounded you with? Maybe it’s time to reach out for a listening ear, a prayer or a laugh over coffee. We don’t have to face the choppy waters alone.

What’s God speaking to my heart? Be still? Lean back? It’s rarely the booming voice that calls us into our truest, bravest us. It’s often the gentle nudging and the friendly leading. Not from far off on the distant shore, but right there in the water with us.

Whatever our choppy may be, let’s look to the horizon. We will emerge, sister. We will walk out of this season with goodness we didn’t know going in. Then we’ll gather our stories and turn them into buoys for someone else.

My greatest buoy in every season of life is the Word of God. Praying Scripture has been such a powerful way for me to anchor my heart in truth while posturing myself to receive from God even as I go about my busy day. I’ve created a free resource for you. Here’s the link if you’d like to learn more or get it in your inbox today.

I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to leave a comment below or email me at hello@hannahsavage.com. You can also find me on Instagram where I share my real life. I’d love to connect.

I was thinking about you this week and all the ways you may be experiencing overwhelm. I find it interesting that overwhelm is not always a symptom of negative circumstances in our lives. Sometimes there’s a lot of good going on and we’re just having a hard time keeping up with it all. Maybe you’re in the middle of a transition and all the impending unknown has your stomach in knots. Perhaps the real and raw of life feels like a black cloud threatening even the joyful bright spots in your day, only briefly silenced by the constant hum of social media or your “easy button” of choice. I’m with you, friend.  I experience overwhelm, too. Here’s my go to arsenal when overwhelm comes for a visit. What would you add? I’d love for you to share your tips and wisdom in the comments below.

(YouTube more your jam? Watch here. Or click Read More to read here.)

The scent of candle wicks and sweat hung in the air as her newborn cry ushered out my last strained moan. Hot tears tumbled from my eyes, dripping down my neck, and onto the baby before mingling into the water around us. They were tears of gratitude, but if I’m honest, equally tears of relief. I conjured all the techniques I’d ever learned to survive the sensation of her head tearing through my birth canal. Finally, all the anguish was forgotten as I cradled 8 pounds of pure sweetness in the warmth of the morning glow now reaching through the heavy curtains.

The next three days seemed a blur of precious memories, nursing, afterpains and little sleep. My clumsy steps on the cold, creaking floor interrupted the midnight stillness of our small condo as I waddled yet again to the bathroom. My body ached, my back throbbed and I felt the kind of pressure I had felt days before as the baby got into position for birth. Except now, the baby was out. I pushed my concern aside, reasoning that surely this was all par for the course after a precipitous labor.

Concern turned into alarm when my bathroom trip revealed a small bulge amid all the passing postpartum blood. The next hour was a myriad of bathroom trips, prayers with my husband and calls to my midwife. Puzzled and concerned, my husband gently suggested I lay down on the bathroom floor. My eyes pleaded with him for another idea, but desperate for an answer, I sprawled on the floor at the mercy of my husband’s eyes. I have never felt more humiliated and tenderly loved at the same time in all my life. I felt like a bloody bundle of sagging skin and engorged breasts, only a shadow of the woman I knew as a ripe and glowing expectant mother.

Thanks for reading. The remainder of this article is available here on The Kindred Mom. 

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As you probably already know, books are kind of a big deal to me. I. love. them. And if you’re like me, you love great book recommendations. That’s why I’ve decided to start sharing our Bookworm Family Faves every month. You’ll essentially be joining my family in real time. I’m not curating these off a library database or based on someone else’s list. All the books you find here are books we either read (short books) or finished reading (longer chapter books) this month. I hope you find this bookworm snapshot a fun way to find books that may interest or bless your family. Now on to the books!

Can I be honest with you?

Even as I write this, I’m in the thick of the raw of life. This week, I struggled to help my child with sensory processing disorder, had disrupted sleep, overcame a fear and experienced a milestone victory, experienced deep personal hurt, and had a number of things not go as planned (Have I ever told you how much I love plans?). I bet if we sat down for coffee, we could talk for hours about countless decisions, the beautiful highs and the legitimately hard. We know all too well that when the waves come crashing in – in whatever form they come – an inspiring quote or the quick fix of man’s praise won’t cut it. I’ve often wished that I could hit pause on life so that I could process all the things going on in and around me, but yet, I’ve noticed that often my greatest sense of clarity in life and motherhood has been gained in the place where anchors mean the most – in a storm. Maybe our greatest storm is our greatest opportunity in disguise.

Seven Questions, Seven Anchoring Answers

I’ll be honest. When I was a mom facing all the rigors of working full-time outside the home, I was a bit naïve about what it would take to keep me thriving when I finally had the chance to stay at home. You could say I’ve been schooled over the last 6 years of stay at home – and now homeschool – life. I’d love to share with you some of the sanity savers I’ve learned mostly the hard way. Hopefully they can be of value to you in your own journey. (No time to read? Watch a video version here.)